Opinionated Bitch

Opinionated Bitch : issue 0, volume 0

Getting on with it

I tried, I really did. After a fucked up life that really can’t compare to anyone else’s, I even went as straight as I could, got the 40 a week job, was responsible, and fell in love and all that. It just doesn’t work for me. Never, to be 100% accurate, ever really did. Scarred childhood, scared adolescence, it comes down to this, to quote Joss Whedon’s Dr. Horrible: the status is NOT quo. I broke, and couldn’t keep going, couldn’t keep pretending that I fit this weirdly twisted world. Call it ego, but I feel the movement of something actually great inside me, and I grow daily more certain my choices are between giving this thing free rein, and laying down and dying.

So, here I am, at 11:31 pm on December 8, 2009, sitting at my keys and for the first time in a very long time, actually writing. My headset is blaring the Tea Party in my ears (for now) and I am letting the words come out.

Here’s the plan: write. Lots. Every damned day. Let things go where they will, but stop trying to force myself into a “normal” pattern: I have always been most creative at night: so let the words flow like a dark river when they will. Just don’t ever dam the flow again. All will be well again, as Julian of Norwich said. I owe a debt of thanks for those words, for Hope.